Solo time should feel luxurious, too.
Being alone with ourselves is an often taxing, occasionally unnerving pursuit—especially after a year indoors. Rather than spend time stewing in the interior workings of our brains, most of us are more inclined to fill our time religiously: work, side projects, freelance gigs, hobbies, and most frequently, other people.
In a particularly catchy single, Lake Street Dive once wrote: “Baby, don’t leave me alone with my thoughts.” It’s a good hook—repeats throughout the chorus—but beyond all the catchy undertones, it rings true. It’s not that our thoughts are unwelcome, it’s just that we don’t exactly yearn to be alone with them.
But, hear me out; perhaps there’s something to be said for the way we choose to interact with ourselves when we’re solo. If all we’re doing is microwaving the occasional Trader Joe’s frozen meal sans pants, no wonder we’re feeling underwhelmed. When we’re in good company, however, we’re typically more than willing to shell out funds for the sake of experiences—wine bars, meals out, live music, movies. Now, all of those things are plenty enjoyable in solitude—but we’re reluctant. So, in retaliation, I’d like to make a case for dating yourself.
Sure, even at a French café, presiding over poached salmon and a pet nat, you’re still alone with your thoughts. But there’s something to be said for allowing yourself to indulge in the inner workings of your head in a scenario that’s aggrandizing rather than self deprecating. Company or not, every now and then, you deserve something better than recently thawed falafel. And treating yourself as such might just change your relationship to solo time.
So, maybe it’s a pasta thing, a martini thing, a double-feature at the movie theatre thing. Maybe it’s a 'the world is opening up again' thing—a desire to spend more time pampering yourself. Either way, you ought to get yourself dressed up. Maybe leave your phone at home. Let it feel special (mask or no mask). Or maybe, consider a night with a quality vibrator, too. Light candles, throw on a playlist. Even on your own, you deserve to make a spectacle of things.